Ramadan Runs

Perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMAD) often slip under the radar. So shedding a little insight into what PMAD actually is will hopefully allow us to be kinder and aware of mothers (and fathers) who are suffering mostly in silence- and to reach out to let them know that they are definitely not alone.

Clarity Singapore

It was a very chaotic time after the arrival of our firstborn. As first-time parents there just seemed to be a never-ending list of things to do– and Hannah and I were adamant that we had to be as conscientious as we could to ensure that Issei would get the best care.

But problems soon crept in: Hannah was having an extremely difficult time breastfeeding, both with the latching and supply. This resulted in Issei losing almost 600g two weeks after he was born. I should have seen this as a warning sign about what was to come, but given how I was struggling with the “night shifts” to coax Issei back to sleep after a feed, I was a walking zombie dealing with my own strife.

As time passed, things did not get better. We had seen multiple lactation consultants who were all of the belief that latching was the only way. There was never any consideration to the possibility that for the sake of her mental wellness, Hannah could opt to permanently pump and supplement with formula instead.

Slowly, I started to notice Hannah becoming withdrawn. She would prefer to be in the room most of the time, even when we had guests over. It did not help that she had the unfortunate luck of engaging with people who albeit had good intentions, still inadvertently passed insensitive comments about her postpartum journey such as: “It’s normal for you to feel sad.”, and “You just need to keep trying [with the breastfeeding efforts] and it will eventually work out.”

For those who have had the privilege of meeting Hannah, you would know she’s a ray of calm sunshine: never overexuberant but effortlessly able to brighten any room with her warm glow. It was upsetting to see that she clearly was becoming a shadow of her former self. Furthermore, as a parenting unit, we were also not communicating effectively at all, and it felt like we were carrying out parental responsibilities in silo.

It was at this point that I thank my lucky stars for my supposed label of being an empath, so I reached out to Hannah to let her know that she was not alone in her struggles, and that I was ready to listen to her with no judgments. Thankfully she was transparent about what she was going through, and this facilitated open conversations about how we could make things better for her.

Looking back, I would say that having open communication lines is so important. Being able to just talk things out and have Hannah know that she was not alone in her struggles made a big difference to her maternal wellness.

We also learnt to not let peer pressure get the better of us, especially from those with vested interests. Perhaps most importantly we built a cornerstone that the wellbeing of Issei was paramount, rather than obsessing about achieving the targets we had set for ourselves as parents. This has consequently guided all our actions over the past 2.5 years that Issei’s been with us, and I can look back and positively reflect on this tumultuous but fulfilling parenting journey!

It is because of our experience that’s made me decide to raise more awareness for perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. Although Hannah and I were never clinically diagnosed, the signs were there, and we were fortunate to pull ourselves out of the rut. I want to end this post with the reminder that you are never alone in your struggles and there is always someone you can reach out to – if you give yourself that opportunity to do so.

This year's Ramadan Runs campaign is a collective effort to do good by raising money, and more importantly, awareness of women (and men) who suffer from Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs) - distressing feelings such as depression and anxiety etc. that occur during pregnancy (prenatal) and throughout the first year after pregnancy (postpartum).

If you know someone who needs help, Clarity Singapore can be contacted at 67577990 or via email at [email protected].

The collective will be running throughout Ramadan and donating individually in the range of $1-3 per kilometre covered. We appreciate your contributions in support of our endeavors, and more importantly, to allow mothers in need to seek help from trained mental health professionals.