Ahfu Herbert Page

*_Very funny_*

Alex was walking and he asked God for money. He said: " God, if you give me 10,000/=, I'll give you 1,000/= for tithe. If you give me 100,000/=, I'll give you 10,000/=. And if you give me 1,000,000/=, I will give you 100,000/=."
As he walked, he picked 900,000/= laughed and selfishly said: kyokka Lord, you are very clever; you have already removed yours!
😆😆😆😆😆😂😂

Kano kanyumidde........

A plane was about to crash and there were only four parachutes on
Board.
Meanwhile there were five people in the cabin.

The first person, Lionel Messi, said,
"I'm the world's best footballer, I cant die now!" So he
took one of the parachutes and left.

The second person, Bill Gates, said,
"I'm the wealthiest man on Earth, I can't die now, I'm needed in the business world!"
So he took the second parachute and plunged..

The third was the Uganda President and he said,
"I'm the smartest President in the world, so I cant die now, my people still need me, I'm a sole candidate!"
He took one and left.

Then it was left the Pope and a little school girl.
The Pope said to the little girl,
"Take the last one, I'll sacrifice my life for you. I've lived a long life"

The little girl smiled and replied, "No need for that, there are two parachutes left."
The pope asked her, "How come?"
The little girl replied,
"The Uganda President took my school bag."

MY FIRST TIME TO USE A CONDOM..
.
I entered a shop and bought a pack with 3 condoms, looked at them
curiously for a while wondering how on earth I could use them.
The Lady at the counter noticed my puzzlement and asked sincerely,
''Have you ever used a condom?
Do you know how to put it on?''
I blushed and said,"No!"
The lady took one condom and opened it and wore it on her thumb as
an example.

"This is how you wear it. You have to make sure its tight!''
I was even more puzzled by this.
I was just an innnocent young man.
She noticed how shy and confused I was. "You must be a virgin," she
said teasingly.
"Have you ever had s*x?"... She asked.. l said, ''No!"

Then she looked around the
shop;there was no one but just the 2 of us.
She called me behind the counter, opened
the door leading to the back rooms and invited me in.
She quickly locked the door,told me to hurry up...
"We don't have time!"
She said.

She pulled her short skirt up, her panty down,opened her legs and
layed her back on a table.
Then she told me to wear the condom on just like she had told me.
I did, and she pulled me close, and oh yes there I Was right deep
inside her wet sweet flesh. ......

But Oh My God no, in just two minutes inside it was just too much
and I came, tsaaa tsaaa tsaaa tsaaaa twii twii tsaaa ziii.!!
The lady feels it too, she feels the hot fluid inside her,and asks me,
''Did you put the condom on like I told you?"
"Yes I did. Just like you told me!" I replied.
She says, ''Lets see!"
(I showed her)
"Oh s**t!" she screamed. "You are supposed to wear it on your P***S
not on your THUMB, you fool...!!!..
.
.
That's how I became a dad..
I have to go and buy pampers

# # AMUST READ # #
There was a cleaner who had dreamt all his life
to fly a plane was hired to clean
airplanes. One day, he was through with
cleaning the airplane. Just when he
was about to leave, he saw a
palmphlet on the floor titled "How to
Fly A Plane". His joy was to the fullest. He
opened
the first page and it read: (1). To start the
engine push the green
button. Which he did and the airplane engine
started. He was so anxious that he
could not wait to fly the airplane, he
turned to the second page and it
read: (2). Push the red button to move the
plane. This he did, the plane began to move. (3).
Push the white button to fly the
plane. After hours of flying he was now
ready to land, he
then opened the
fourth page which read: (4). To land this plane
read our next
pamphlet which will be out next year.
Thank you.
Pls Help the man he is Still flying the plan, he
never landed...

VACANCY!!!

Salary Ush 3,880,500/= per week
with: free accommodation, meals and company car.
Oueen Elizabeth National Park needs someone to bath the Lions, take care of the Hyenas, play with the crocodiles and feed the snakes.
No qualifications and/or experience required. If interested please send your CV to Queen [email protected]

Let me know if ur taking the job..if ur not, dont be selfish; share it with others..

NB: Dont ask what happened to the previous worker, its none of your business.

Thank you.

A sick person on hospital bed was visited by
relatives. The patient was on an oxygen
MACHINE and therefore couldn't speak.
As they stood beside the bed, the patient took a
pen and a piece of paper and wrote a note which
he gave to one of the relatives who put it in his
shirt pocket without reading and they continued
with their conversation.
After a few minutes, the patient died. The
relative later picked the note from his pocket to
know what the dead man had written. And guess
what! Sadly the note read.. "please move away
from there, you have stepped on the oxygen pipe.
I can't breathe again , you are killing me".
Lesson:
Do you postpone reading posts, ? Or do you
ignore picking calls because you are already
close to the caller. They might be helpful to you
or to somebody... particularly at a most critical
time.
Please pick your calls, read that note. NEVER
POSTPONE ANYTHING. Don't just read this
message alone, kindly share with your friends

DO YOU BLAME MAMA?. A man returned from
work at night and heads straight to the bedroom
to make love to his wife.
When done, he went straight to the kitchen to
fetch himself a bottle of cold drink only to find
his wife there looking for something in the fridge.
He asked his wife how she quickly made it to
the
kitchen when they've just finished making love.
His wife screamed: "Aahh! That was my mother
in the bedroom, she was so tired when she
arrived so I let her sleep in our room". Alarmed,
she ran to her mother and asked her why she
didn't say anything when her husband was
making love to her. Mother replied:

How well did you trust your eyes?555555SS55
55555S555555555555555555SSS555
5SS555S555S How many ''S'' did you see?

Johnny got home early from work and heard
strange noises coming from his bedroom. he
rushed upstairs to see his wife naked on the
bed, sweating and panting.he asked her; What is
happening? She cried; I am having a heart
attack. he rushed downstairs to grab the phone
to call the ambulance, but just as he was dialing
their number,his three years old son rushed up to
him and said; Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Paulinus is
hiding in your wardrobe and he is not putting on
any clothes. Johnny slammed the phone down
and stormed upstairs into the bedroom, walked
past his screaming wife, and ripped open the
wardrobe door. Sure enough, he sa w his brother
hiding there, totally naked, taking cover on the
wardrobe floor.Johnny shouted at him; You! My
wife is having a heart attack and you are running
around naked, scaring the children!
Please one word for Johnny!!

A Small Girl Had A Terrible DreamOne Night. She
dreamt about herParents, thatThey Died in an
Accident. . AfterThey Woke UpShe told her
Mum," Mummy Youand DaddyShould not go
anywhereToday,because I saw aBad
Dream." .Her Mother Ignored that and told
her"My Daughter Nothing will happen to us
Okay,let me go and bath you and eat your
Breakfast and Get ready for the school Bus, Itwill
sooncome and pick you.".After Some Minutes
Her ParentWent Out ForTheir Friend's
Wedding.On the way They Got A very
FatalAccident AndThey All Died. .The Daughter
Later came back from School and saw Many
Peoplein the house all of Them Looking
Sad..SheStarted Shouting,"Mum Am Back Where
Are You, my teacher GaveMe Home Work
todo" .All the people There CouldNot Endure Any
More,They just started Crying..Her Grandmother
Told Her, my child Don'tWorry,The Little girl
asked"Grandma Where are mum And Dad?Her
Grandmother replied to her crying "They All died
in a Car Accident Today".TheLittle Girl could not
Believe Her Ears And SheFainted !!.This is A
Painful and A Sad Story !!.PRAYER !!.What
Happened To this girl and her family Will Not Be
Your Portion this year,Now and Forever..You Will
Not Die Untimely..Your Children Will Not Lose
You..If You Believe That This Prayer can work
And you have Faith In God Take 2 Minutes to
type AMEN PLEASE DON'T IGNORE !!

JOHNNY was given fake money and he went to the
police station to
report...
JOHNNY : What kind of nonsense is this?
POLICE: Hello mr. man can we help you?
JOHNNY : Can you imagine, in this country, people
are just mean!
POLICE: Mr. man, you aren't saying anything.
What is the problem.
JOHNNY : (still boiling). Why are people so
unreasonable and wicked in
this country? I wish I wasn't born in this country.
POLICE: (impatient) listen Mr. man, are you
ready to tell us your
problem or you want to waste our time?
JOHNNY : Can you imagine, I was given fake
money, fake money
yesterday at my shop.
POLICE: So can you recognise the person that
gave you the fake
money?
JOHNNY : How on earth can I do that? There are
hundreds of people
who visit my shop everyday.
POLICE: Ok, where is the money.
JOHNNY : I've spent it!

A JOKE STORY!!!
I'm standing before you as I sit Behind ur back,
to tell you a fake story which i witnessed real
but i know nothing about
it. but before then,listen to this announcenment:
There will be an all boys' meeting for girls only.
Entrance is free only if you pay at the gate. you
are advised to wear your best clothes since i
know dat u have none. The first person to come
will be given a front seat at the back of the hall
Now for more information, see me first tin
tomorrow morning in the afternoon.
NOW MY STORY.
One bright morning in the middle of the night,two
dead men woke up to fight back to back facing
each other. One of them brought out his knife
and shot the other.
A deaf policeman heard the sound and another
lame policeman quickly ran to the spot where
the dead man laid. if you think this story is
false,ask the blind man who saw it all..even the
dumb woman who told me this story killed her
self and ran away.
Enjoy ur evening dis morning even though the
sun is raining and the cold weather is hot.
Lolzzzz!!!!
Have a wonderful evening ahead !