Document The Abuse

10/21/2026

📍Content note: this post and the book it describes discuss domestic violence, sexual abuse, and murder. Please read with care.

As an outspoken advocate who spent her life standing beside survivors of domestic violence, Susan lobbied for Illinois’ stalking law and for the federal Lautenberg Amendment. She founded Project: Protect, wrote practical safety guides used by law enforcement, advocates, and attorneys, and spoke to anyone who would listen.

She knew this work from the inside. Susan grew up in a home where her father, a decorated Chicago police officer, abused her mother and her. He ultimately murdered her mother and took his own life. Instead of letting that define her, Susan made it her mission to be the voice she never had as a child.

Her memoir, Holding My Hand Through Hell, tells that story in her own words: abuse, murder, survival, and a hard-won journey of hope. Please know it is a heavy read and may be triggering for survivors. Read it when you feel ready, and be gentle with yourself.

The book was released on October 3, 2012 with a foreword written by DianeFanning, a close friend and true crime author. Susan died just a few weeks later, on October 28, 2012. Without her there to carry it into the world, efforts to market the book fell short, and it went out of print.

We could not let her story disappear. We persuaded the publisher to print a small run for Document the Abuse, which means copies are very limited and available on a first come basis.

This Domestic Violence Awareness Month, honor Susan, her work, and support survivors. Give by October 31:

💜$50: one copy of Holding My Hand Through Hell
💜$150: two copies, one to keep and one to donate or share
💜$29: Purchase of Holding My Hand Through Hell only

Shipping and handling are included. Every gift supports Document the Abuse and our work with survivors. *Please add "Susan" in the note section when checking out.*

DONATE HERE: https://app.autobooks.co/pay/document-the-abuse-nfp



If you or someone you love needs help, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233.

10/20/2026

Believe survivors. Then help them prove it.

Belief is the right place to start, but it does not get a protective order granted or charges filed.

Survivors are asked for proof: dates, details, photos, witnesses, a timeline. They are asked at the moment their lives are most chaotic, and abusers know it. When the case falls apart, the system calls it insufficient evidence. Survivors experience it as being left alone again.

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) lets survivors document incidents as they happen, creating an organized record that supports protective order petitions, police reports, and prosecution.

What organizations and agencies can do:

💜 Shelters and advocates: introduce documentation tools like the EAA at intake.

💜 Law enforcement: accept and review survivor-prepared documentation, and document patterns, not just single incidents.

💜 Prosecutors: pursue evidence-based prosecution so cases do not depend entirely on a survivor testifying under pressure.

Survivors should not carry this alone. Friends, family, coworkers, and neighbors witness things too, and what they write down can matter.

How is your organization helping survivors build their record?

https://documenttheabuse.org/blog/yousawitdocumentit

10/19/2026

To every officer who responds to domestic violence calls: five things that save lives.

💜Assess risk at every call. Ask the hard questions. Has he strangled you? Does he have guns? Has he threatened to kill you? These aren’t therapeutic questions. They’re triage.
💜Enforce violations without hesitation. A violated protective order means arrest, charges, prosecution, and a sentence with teeth.
💜Remove fi****ms. Every single time. Federal law is clear, (Lautenberg Amendment) but enforcement is rare. Verify compliance.
💜Build a dedicated domestic violence unit with trauma-informed training and real support.
💜Talk to advocates. A completed Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) can provide the detailed pattern evidence that turns a weak case into a prosecutable one.

You are not the only ones protecting her. Use every tool available.

Learn more: documenttheabuse.org/eaa-instructions

10/18/2026

Here to support DVSA Communities and all victim/survivors. Tu Lucha Es Mi Fortaleza!!!

10/17/2026

We are so grateful to be THE FIRST recipient for this wonderful group of women making a difference in their community in BIG ways. Thank you so much and please join us for this presentation!!!

We would love all available members to join us to celebrate this joyous occasion!

10/14/2026

“Not if I can help it!”

Susan Murphy Milano didn’t wait for the system to notice victims. She made them notice.

💜She walked into courtrooms beside women whose cases were being ignored, because she knew judges and attorneys behaved differently when someone was watching.

💜She found victims safe places to stay when there was nowhere else to go.

💜When officials stopped returning calls, she called reporters.

💜She helped push for Illinois’ 1993 stalking law and the federal Lautenberg Amendment.

The Chicago Tribune credited Susan with single-handedly pulling the battered women’s movement into the media spotlight. From local newsrooms to The Oprah Winfrey Show, 20/20, and Larry King Live, she used every platform she could find to make one point:

"Domestic violence is not a private family matter. It is a CRIME."

Every strategy she developed came back to the same goal: getting the truth on the record. That goal became the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit.

Week 2 walks you through some of her experiences. Read how her vision grew into the EAA >>
https://documenttheabuse.org/blog/the-evolution-of-the-evidentiary-abuse-affidavit-from-susan-murphy-milanos-vision-to-widespread-advocacy

10/13/2026

When organizations partner together, lives can be saved.

In cases where a domestic violence victim goes missing, the best outcomes come from coordination among advocates, law enforcement, and missing persons organizations like the CUE Center for Missing Persons.

A unified approach supports:

💜Immediate risk assessment and victimology
💜Thorough review of prior police reports and protection orders
💜Efficient cross-reporting between agencies
💜Faster search mobilization
💜Trauma-informed communication with families

When a completed Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit (EAA) is securely stored and ready for release, it gives every partner on that team the documented context to act decisively.

Communities have a role, too. The people closest to a victim are often the first to sense danger and the last to be asked. If something feels off, it is worth documenting.

How is your organization building collaboration with other agencies?


CUE Center For Missing Persons
Monica Caison

10/12/2026

💜 Beyond October: The Warning Signs That Predict Lethal Violence

After a domestic violence homicide, people often say no one saw it coming. That is almost never true. In case after case, the warning signs were there. Someone saw them. Someone heard them. Too often, no one wrote them down, connected them, or acted on them.

💜 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOMICIDE IS ONE OF THE MOST PREDICTABLE AND PREVENTABLE VIOLENT CRIMES IN AMERICA!

Researchers have identified risk factors that show up again and again before a partner is killed. Tools like the Lethality Assessment Program were built on that research so advocates and officers can recognize danger while there is still time to act.

A pattern only exists if someone can see it.

Here is the problem. Risk factors show up over weeks, months, and years. They are spread across 911 calls, ER visits, text messages, and things a neighbor overheard.

When each incident is treated as a separate event, the pattern disappears. A responding officer sees one night. A judge sees one petition. Nobody sees the whole story.

💜 That is the gap the Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit was designed to close. By helping survivors document incidents over time in one structured record, the EAA makes the pattern visible to the people who have the power to act on it.

Things YOU can do this week >>

Learn the red flags and share this so more people recognize them.

If you work in health care, law enforcement, education, or faith communities, ask whether your organization screens for lethality risk.

If someone confides in you about strangulation or threats with a weapon, take it seriously and encourage them to reach out to an advocate or the Hotline.

If you or someone you know is in danger, call 911. For confidential support 24/7, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.

More information from our Learning Hug: https://documenttheabuse.org/blog/idvam-2026-beyond-awareness-to-action