Naija Jokes And Gist

Good God

When I was a kid, my dad bought a new car and
drove us to church one Sunday. It was a prophetic
service and our pastor was being used by God that
day to deliver people from poverty. Suddenly, our
pastor looked at my dad
and said, "Daddy Vicky, God is set to bless you!"
My mum jumped up and shouted excitedly,
"Amen!!!"
My dad was excited too. The pastor then came
closer, placed his hand on my dad's head and
prayed for him. As our pastor turned to climb the
alter, God told him something. He stopped, looked
at my dad and said, "Daddy Vicky, you bought a
new car last week?"
"Yes sir." my dad responded with much surprise
on his face.
Then our pastor said, "God said I should tell you
to sow your CAR KEY into my life."
I was shocked that my dad did not argue with the
pastor, he just put his hand in his pocket, brought
out the car key and gave to our pastor.
After about 5 minutes, my dad stood up, went
outside the church, he didn't even wait till the end
of the service. I could see him boarding an Okada
going home. "He must be very worried." I
reasoned in utter fear and confusion.
After a while, he returned to church with the
SPARE KEY of his car and drove the car back to
the house. I was so stunned at what I was seeing.
When I asked him why he acted that way he.said,
Richy, use your brain, the pastor asked for the
KEY and NOT the CAR."
Sincerely my people!
IS MY DAD RIGHT OR WRONG.??

Api new month ,To u all, I pray may u experience good thing in ur life AD UR FAMILY ,ur story we change to gud,every enemy of progress ,fighting u or running after ur destiny shall die buy fire. ,every door of success in ur life dat as closed shall be released ,it is well wit ur soul
.🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

HAPPY 😊 RESUMPTION TO ALL FCEABITES
Naija Jokes And Gist Cares
Prince 🤴 Adedamola

Happy 😊 Birthday 🎂 to this sister at the back 🔙, I wish you Long life and prosperity in Jesus name igbaodun Odun kan oooh and may God almighty bless your new age for us ooo oh.
You are going to live long like Holy Bible and Last like Olumo Rock. This year will be your year of uncompareable promotions, whatever you lay your hands 👐 upon this year shall prosper and you will surely eat the fruits of your labor in Jesus name.

Happy 😊 Birthday 🎂 to you Sister Mi toh Sha Proper, I wish you more of it in wealth and good health in Jesus name, ride on jaaare the Lord is your strength 💪...

Happy 😊 Birthday 🎂 to this my pretty Damsel, my school Daughter, and also a friend of mine, I wish you Long life and prosperity in Jesus name igbaodun Odun kan oooh and may God almighty bless your new age for us ooo oh.
You are going to live long like Holy Bible and Last like Olumo Rock. This year will be your year of uncompareable promotions, whatever you lay your hands 👐 upon this year shall prosper and you will surely eat the fruits of your labor in Jesus name.

Happy 😊 Birthday 🎂 to you Friendship Mi toh Sha Proper, I wish you more of it in wealth and good health in Jesus name, ride on jaaare the Lord is your strength 💪...

Happy Birthday to a matric mate of Prince Ogunbona Adedamola, I wish you Long life and prosperity in Jesus name igbaodun Odun kan oooh and may God almighty bless your new age for us ooo oh and you are going to live long like Holy Bible and Last like Olumo Rock. This year will be your year of uncompareable promotions, whatever you lay your hand upon this year shall prosper and you will surely eat the fruits of your labor

To the best friend of my, a guy with good and well equipped principles. Who walks in love 😍 with anyone that walks with him.

PPrince Ogunbona AdedamolaOPrince Ogunbona AdedamolaAPrince Ogunbona AdedamolaMay you live long and be a great person in future.
My lover boy

Happy birthday 🎂 to this Bae I wish her long life and prosperity in Jesus name igbaodun Odun kan oooh and may God almighty bless your new age for us ooo. You are going to live long like Holy Bible and Last like Olumo Rock

*Just in*
*UNIVERSITY OF ILORIN FINALY SPEAK ABOUT SCREENING*
The committee in charge of *2017/2018* leader Dr.Adigun speak that the committee is working very hard to satisfy the public and all the aspirant and their parents respectively.
Dr. Adigun also speak yesterday in Ilorin that the screening form will soon be out he also disclosed it yesterday that the pressure on them are much and they are trying to do their best.
He also noted it that there are things to be put in place before the screening form can be announce publicly.
He also talk about the recent rumor about post utme he continued saying. Post utme I don't no what we are going to decide on because we are working towards the two we may decide that jamb candidate uses screening while direct entry will be tested by *C.B.T* or we decide both he said the aspirant should be ready because it may come out in any form/ways.
He was ask about the *date* he says the university has the right to announce this publicly the committee are just set to conduct and organise screening.
Finally he advice parents and guardians to be careful of fraudster the are so common now a days they even use our website to fraud students.
He ended.

I came to close that chapter of frustrations in your life, and i hereby open a new Chapter of Joy Unspeakable, in the Name of Jesus. Receive your miracle. Amen! Share this prayer.

!!!!! It is time to gist ourselves !!!!!
TOPIC: READY TO BE MARRIED, GOLDEN RULES!
1. When you keep calm as a lady, keeping him thinking
that there is some thing peculiar about you. When he
sends you abusive message, do not reply back with
abusive word, if you must reply. Write "I'm sorry". Or
thank you.
2. No man likes to be talked back to. If you must be a
wife material, just shut up. When he is calm, talk things
over. Don't be arrogant, be humble.
3. Don't be carried away by your beauty. Have you not
seen beautiful ladies that are still single till date? Your
good character keeps him.
4. Do not compare him with your EX. There are
thousand of other ladies out there. Forget about the
past, you are
a new creature old things have passed away.
5. Don't always be at the receiving end, buy him
something, no matter how little it is, whether he has
thousands of it, just buy it, yours is unique. Be
industrious,
men like ladies with industrious mind.
6. Respect him and his family members. Be a good
cook, learn how to cook something. Some ladies can
only cook noodles, very bad.
7. Call him when you have credit, don't be a chronic
flasher'. don't always wait for him to call. Value
yourself, and he will value you. If he doesn't have today
does not make him poor, look at what drives Him.
8. Look out, if he is a time waster or he is for real. Can
he "fight" both physically and spiritually for you?
Where is he in God's presence or is he on the other
side? You need to know.
9. What you can't change in him now that you are
dating, am sorry in marriage you won't be able to
change it either, or you will spend the rest of your life
trying to
change him.
10. You are dating and he punches you at every
slightest misunderstanding... Sorry, when you marry
him, your bedroom will be a "changing room" and your
sitting room a "boxing Ring".
11. Every little time, he threatens to break up with you.
You start crying, if you leave me i will die...Stop that.
who told you? A better person who will value you is
coming. Relax !
12. Above all. Ask yourself! What is GOD saying about
this Relationship? May God open your eyes if you are
already into one, and if you are still searching, God will
lead you into a good relationship, in Jesus name....
Agree or Disagree

Phy Obj 1-10. ADCDEEAEDE
11-20. EDABDDABCD
21-30 EECCECBDAA
31-40 AABAACCBBD
41-50 CDBCEDACBD
51-60 CCCBDDDDCE

1a) Satellite an artificial body placed in orbit round the earth or another planet in order to collect information or for communication. 1b) Cosmic (ii) Magnetic field 1c) The artificial satellite is first launched to space which produces visual signals to Tv stations and it's further transmitted or relayed to individual house and hence, the 2014 Brazil world cup be viewed. 2a)Do graph Ur Sef 2b) D = √(x2 - x1)^2 + (y2 - y1)^2 = √(-3-5)^2 + (-4-(-2))^2. = √64+36 = 10unit 3a) Yes fractional force depend on the nature of the surface 3b) Walking without fractional force depending on the nature of the surface, there would be slipping and skidding 4a) The work done is the area of the rectangle * Area of rectangle = L x B Work done (I) 2F^1 x d^1 = 2F^1d^1 ( ^ means raise to power) Work done (ii) F^1 x d^1 = F^1d^1 Difference in work done = 2F^1d^1 - F^1d^1 = F^1d^1Nm 4ii) Work done is defined as the minimum energy required for electrons to be liberated from the surface of a metal when light is incident onit b) E= hf but C= F/|, F = C//| , E= hc//| E= 5.5 x 10^-9J, /|= 6.6x10^-34 x 3x10^8/5.5 x 10^-9 /|=3.6x10^-17 {where J is joule, /| is lander } 5a) 85 - x/ 50 - x = 100 - 0/40 - 0 4(85 - x) = 500 - 10x -4x + 10x = 500 - 340 6x = 160 X= 26.67oc 6) V = 3x10m/s From the diagram, T=12s(time taken to complete one cycle) 6aii) V=F/|, F=1//| , /|= VT { where /| is lander } /|=3x10^3 x 12 = 3.6x10^4m 6aiii) F=1/t = 1/12= 0.083Hz 8a) E=2.0v, r=1ohm, R=?, V=1.92v From E= I(R+r) also, V=IR, I=V/R E= V/R(R+r) 2R= 1.92R + 1.92 2R - 1.92R = 1.92 0.08R = 1.92 R = 1.92/0.08 =24ohms 9a.) The basic unit of measure of electricity is known as the Watt. One thousand Watts are called a kilowatt. OR .the unit is kilowatt per hour (kwh)/ def 1kwh is the energy consumed by power consumption of 1kilowatt during 1hour. (9b)Two Advantages At high voltages (i)to ruduce the energy loss in long-distance transmission, (ii)also for greater efficiency during long distance transmissiön. two Advantages at Low Current (i)to accomodate the use of low using electrical appliances, (ii) to promote even distribution of current. 10a) Natural radioactivity is the spontaneous distingration of the nucleus of an atom during which alpha particle or beta particle,or gamma rays or a combination of any or all the three and heat (or energy) are released. While Artificial Radioactivity this is an ordinary material,not normally radioactivr is made radioactive by bombarbing it with radioactive particles. 10b) Two Uses Of Radioisotopes. i Radioisotopes are used in medicine as radiotherapy. ii. Radioisotopes are used in industry to study defects in metals and welded joints. iii. Radioisotopes are used in geological research for radio-dating 11a) Work function is defined as the minimum energy required for electrons to be liberated from the surface of a metal when light is incident on it 11b) E= hf but C= f/| , f=C / /| E= hc / /| , E= 5.5 x 10^-9 J /| = 6.6x10^-34 x 3x10^8 / 5.5 x 10^-9 = 3.6 x 10^-17m 13a )A vacuum flask, or thermos, does not allow heat transfer by any of the three ways that heat can travel. The silver coating on the inner bottle prevents heat transfer by radiation, and the vacuum between its double wall prevents heat moving by convection. The thinness of the glass walls stops heat entering or leaving the flask by conduction. The case surrounding the flask provides additional insulation. 13aii) Cork 13b) Inclined plane (ii) Wheel and axel 13bii) m=6000kg , h=0.25m , L=0.75m EFF=85% (I) * V.R of a screw jack = distance move by effort/load 30 x 2 x 3.142 x 0.75/0.25 =565.2 (ii) * M.A = Eff x VR/100 = 85 x 565.2/100 M.A = 480.42 = L/E Effort= L/480.42 = mg/480.42 = 6000 x 10/480.2 E= 124.9N 14a) Convex mirror or Converging mirror * It produce an erect image and has a wide range of view 14b) A piano have strings of different lenght so that it can produce different of sound 14bii) F = k/L .... Where F is frequency, L is length 14c)*choose two - Temperature - Humidity - frequency of sound in air - wavelength of sound in air 14cii) fo = 220Hz (open pipe) Ist overtone freq of open pipe = Ist overtone freq of closed 2fo cp = 3fo cp 2 x 220/3 = 146.67HZ ( fo cp) For Closed pipe V = 4fl , l=V/4f 330/4x146.67 = 0.56m For Opened pipe V = 2fl , l = V/2f 330/2x220 = 0.75m 17ai) 1.The absorber is usually a sheet of high-thermal-conductivity metal with tubes or ducts either integral or attached. Its surface is painted or coated to maximize radiant energy absorption and in some cases to minimize radiant emission. 2.The insulated box, provides structure and sealing and reduces heat loss from the back or sides of the collector. 17aii)Flat Plate Solar Collector is the key part of the flat plate solar water heater. It consists of absorber, cover glass, insulation, and shell. The metal absorbing plate with coating is welded on the red copper pipe. The cold water or the medium liquid is heated when running through the pipe. The transparent cover glass allows visible light to pass through and blocks the the far infrared. It means the sunlight can pass the cover glass and reaches the absorber to produce heat, but the far infrared resulted from the radiation of heated absorber is blocked and kept inside. In this way, the heat loss is reduced. And the heat-absorbing efficiency and the temperature of the absorber can be increased. There are usually three kinds of coatings: black selective coating, black chrome coating and blue tinox titanium coating. In areas with winter temperature above 0 ℃, system of direct-heating of cold water is applicable, but in areas with winter temperature below 0 ℃, the user could input medium liquid in the system to heat cold water indirectly as an alternative. * Material: A) Cover glass:transparent toughened glass B) Absorber core:copper and aluminum complex or all copper C) Pipe: red copper D) Shell/bracket: aluminum alloy / galvanized steel 17b).One of the main differences between a telescope and a microscope is that A telescope is used to view things that are far whereas a microscope is used to view things that are very near. -