Kieran's delish Curtin reviews

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Shine “smart drink”

In the hopes of rediscovering some of the brain cells I had lost to whipping lots of cream and preparing balloons for children’s birthday parties, I decided to purchase this brain juice from the place where all highly effective supplements are found: the petrol station.

Prior to consumption, this tiny glass bottle was filled with a liquid the same colour as a p**s you might take after spending a week doing F45 (or whatever it is that is into nowadays) without drinking any water. Taking an initial gulp, I was greeted by something that tasted kind of like a less nasty, but more boring, version of kombucha.

As I write this, I’m sitting in my car waiting to feel like the guy from limitless. Instead, all I’m feeling is slightly more anxious and a lot more like I’m going to s**t myself at any given second.

I’ll stick to blend 43/10

Sign the petition to stop Kim Jong O’Neill in his tracks

Sign the petition against the changes!

https://www.change.org/p/curtin-student-guild-stop-undemocratic-changes-to-the-curtin-guild

He's dead. The thesis has taken him, but you can pay your respects by filling out the survey below (anybody who comments F on this post is being blocked immediately)
As part of my final year in Psychology, I’m conducting research into how we can enhance engagement with blackboard using streaks (like in snapchat) or graphs of how much you’ve logged in compared to your peers. If you’re a student, I’d be eternally grateful if you could click on the link below and fill out the survey so I can finally graduate! Completing the questionnaire should only take around 5 minutes of your time and your name will be on an honour roll at my funeral:
https://tinyurl.com/gamification-survey

Curtin University Human Research Ethics Committee (HREC) has approved this study (HREC number HRE2017-0351)

Coles green chicken curry
It was pretty good I put on some airplane engine noises and bounced around in my chair a bit so it was like I was on a plane eating some airplane food going on a little holiday for a while but now none of my coworkers will speak to me for some reason
Damn Daniel/10

I mean, what's the DEAL with university food?

What could be more delish than any of the garbage food on this campus? Me graduating!

By clicking the link below, you can participate in my Honours research on gamification of the Blackboard system, which contributes to my final grade at the end of the year. It should only take 10 minutes of your time and you’ll get some neat insights into what might be implemented on blackboard in the future! For more information, please click this link here: https://tinyurl.com/gamification-survey
Curtin University Human Research Ethics Committee (HREC) has approved this study (HREC number HRE2017-0351)

That's some damn tasty statistics/10

If you want to read something that isn't written by a bumbling moron about places to put stuff down your mouth hole that aren't in and around Curtin, get your eyeballs around this

Check out our feature on Modus Coffee. Two guys pumping out some of the best coffee in Perth from an unassuming corner just off Beaufort street.

http://www.downby12th.com/blog/toby-and-sam-on-starting-modus-beautiful-coffee-without-the-pretension

Honours got me like

Anybody who has done any amount of social climbing at university has at some point wound up annihilating multiple bottles of wine at a northbridge chinese restaurant with “billy” in the name. It’s a kind of rite of passage, crawling out of a dodgy chinese restaurant on all fours, ignoring the entirety of the staff giving you the glares of disapproval that could start bushfires and making your way to go stand in a line for 2 hours for a club you probably don't want to be at.

At some point between your fourth and fifth standard bevan for the evening, a waitperson finally comes around to take your order, and it’s at this point that you make a decision that seals your fate for the next day. You order squid, which has a statistically significant (p < 0.001) chance of coursing through your digestive system leaving a trail of destruction like nothing else. Being hungover is no fun at all, but being hungover whilst p**sing from your as***le due to some dodgy seafood is a whole other circle of hell. While the chilli that the squid is coated in burns off your tastebuds and the crumchy deep fried coating reminds you of chicken nuggets, it’s impossible to tell if it’s been cooked thoroughly enough to be safe.

🚑 🚑 🚑/10

When it comes to dangerously upping my blood sugar levels and staying hydrated at the same time, nothing quenches my thirst like a delicious Coca-Cola Australia. While on first glance The Coca-Cola Company may look like a bottle of swamp water, don’t be fooled! This blend of artificial flavours, carbonated water and 16 teaspoons of sugar is a delight. Upon my first sip of this tasty treat, years and years of operant conditioning thanks to constant marketing campaigns kicked in, instantly perking me up as I “tasted the feeling” or whatever it is the slogan is currently. Special thanks to the government for allowing companies like Coca-Cola Happy Shopmate to expose my tiny undeveloped child brain to trace amounts of caffeine to make this all possible

Capitalism more like crapitalism haha/10

Today I made the journey to the Basement cafe to sample everybody’s favourite outplayed meme food of 2016, the HSP (Halal snack pack for the uninitiated). With its popularity stemming from a large internet congregation of 14 year old private school boys who have since moved on to fidget spinners, it now exists only to be consumed by engineering students who are really confused about which parts of the food pyramid go where.

Dubious nutritional content aside, the thing with consuming these is that there’s only half a second when it actually tastes any good. Either side of this half a second, the cheese isn’t melted yet, or the whole thing is just a big pile of mush. All of these things are fine on their own: chips are great, chicken’s objectively the best meat, kebab sauces are the reason to buy kebabs and when I die bury me in cheese. But as soon as you squeeze them into a container, they get along really poorly. But I guess if you’re a big sweaty nerd looking to feed your pores the grease they desire, this is ideal.

My bones hurt/10