Dear Emily, Julie and Rachel

Dear Emily, Julie and Rachel,
No matter how much healing and how many improvements I make to myself, my heart still aches to give the love I have for you to you, my stomach still has a pit in the back corner that holds all the pain and injustice of losing you - to my parents - the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally. They did NOT. The knocked me off my guard. It was never supposed to go like this. I fought, spent $$$K on lawyers to see you, be in your life, R&L blocked it all.
A dozen years. Some heros they are. Apart until you search for me. God knows my love for you girls.
It's always my wish, Happy 41st Birthday to me. 🙏💗
Love, your real Mum. ❤️❤️❤️

The Final Decision is hanging in the balance and I have no assurance that anything written will be carried out, but the hard and hurt of knowing nothing was achieved in the last 7 years and I'm no closer to repair or to any type of resolution is hitting me hard. I have proven to be supported by the law, but they can only empathize, with no corrective action. I'm still heartbroken. Time is all I have left to beg for, for it to pass, to wait for your curiosity to kick in and you try to find answers to your questions about your real mommy. I'm so sorry. I'm right here girls. I love each one of your so dearly. 💔💔💔
Be strong and be safe, you are so so loved. 💖💖💖🙏

Feb 18th 2025 💫🩷🩷🩷 Three times my heart walked right past me...It's been 7 years, and 2 months, shy a day, (Dec 19th 2017) since I last held you each in my arms for the longest most heartbreaking hugs. I knew it would be a some time, til I saw you girls again, but not years, not 7 years. 😭 To say it's been too long is an understatement and not how I pictured it.
I felt like a ghost, a shadow of the real me, standing outside conversations with the family I created, looking in without me there. I didn't understand until I reminded myself that my parents treat me like I am already dead. My family outside of my parents were loving and greatful for my presence and I will continue to show up for my loved ones. I know this was not the best way to see each other, but my God, I am so thankful just the same. My heart was doing somersaults and I'm still blown away and processing.
I wanted more than anything to embrace you girls and I hope you know I did my best to respect you and the space, until we can meet again. May this find you and encourage you to reach out and know me yourself. I absolutely love you to the moon and back Emily, Julie and Rachel. 🩷🩷🩷 You girls are my world and I will continue to stay true for you. With all my love, Mom.

Another year...it's hard to summon the fight when all you want is internal peace. I've spent too many nights this past year clenching my jaw and holding back mass amounts of pain and a deep sense of hopelessness. It's just not natural to live each day as if things are fine when in my head and most certainly in my heart - 'things' are not fine by a long shot. Promise you won't give up on me and I will do my absolute best to remain in tact until I get back to you. Please forgive me for naive choices I made almost 11 years ago. I never meant for those situations to keep us apart like this. It's crushing. It's a pain like no other. I know you are 20mins away by car, but you girls might as well be on another planet the way the courts are handling my case. I can not just show up on your door step and announce my presence without serious consequences. My parents, your "parents" have made sure that I do not cross that threshold. I've lost my connection to you Emily and I promise to spend the rest of my life making it up to you and your sisters when things change. God help us. 🙏❤️🩷🩷🩷

My soul needs some blissful living.... I hope you girls are enjoying the snow and staying hopeful for your beautiful futures to come, with all the love you need. I long for days with each of you beautiful babies. Mommy loves you so very very much. 💗💗💗 Until I see you again...be safe and stay strong. 🙏

Hello my sweet baby girls...it's Fall 2023. This is always a hard time of year. Thinking about each of you starting another school year, missing your picture days and wishing I could spend time exploring nature while going for hikes with you. I'm doing my best to enjoy the beauty of it all, even though you are not here with me. I miss you, to the moon and back. I love you Emily. I love you Julie. I love you Rachel. Until we meet again.. ☀️🌻🍁🍂

It was a great day. It was nice to cut grass with Taylor! ✋️ She did great.
Thinking about you Emily, Julie and Rachel...It's hard to picture things after so much time - years and years I've been asking, arguing, proving, at the mercy of...and still? No change, the blockage is a mass that not even the courts can handle. I pray you each grant me a chance to reconnect and mend our relationships as mother and daugthers. Your mother loves you three more than anyone else on this earth. You are my baby girls though and though. No amount of time is going to change that fact - you are my cells. We all need our answers to understand and grow into our adult selves. I want to hear you out, be there, understand, to hold you and heal wounds I created and indirectly happened to you without our consent. This is our trauma. I am sorry and I want to repair our bonds. My emotions have taken over. Thank you for reading these posts. 🙏🌻

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10101686656235372&id=119101121&mibextid=Nif5oz

The skies are dark, but the flowers have been replenished. I always find the beauty in every situation, except when it comes to my girls.
I want to scream at the courts, plead with the Judge, and pour my love for my daughters out of my heart into something tangible...my tears just keep coming and it seems impossible to battle back in a polite and productive manner. Saying sorry is just so flat...there is despair in my grief.

Welcome to my page, time is fleeting and I am faltering yet again. Some one grab the crash cart...the tauma is beyond my maximum. I can only try to verbalize the pain and helplessness I live with daily. I need an outlet. Here I can be myself, and show my children who I am despite the seperation and the passage of time. Please share, follow, like and donate to my legal fees if and whenever possible. I need all the support I can gather to show up.