31/10/2026
One of the loneliest things a person can experience is trying to explain their childhood to a sibling who grew up in the same house and has no idea what you’re talking about.
You remember a parent who was full of rage, highly critical, impossible to please, or simply never there for you. They remember someone who was warm, funny, and just had a hard time sometimes. You remember walking on eggshells every single day. They remember family dinners and holidays and a home that was basically fine. And when you try to talk about it, even with the best intentions, their different experience becomes the reason yours gets dismissed. Even by them. Even by yourself sometimes.
Why this happens
Scapegoating: One child becomes the container for the family's unprocessed pain. The other becomes the golden child. Both roles are assigned, and not earned.
Birth order and timing: A parent's mental health, relationship, addiction or circumstances can change dramatically between children. The home at 3 is not the same home at 10.
Projection: Parents often project onto the child who reminds them of themselves or someone they resent, so they treat them differently. The other child simply doesn't carry that trigger for them.
Your sibling or siblings not experiencing what you experienced does not mean what you experienced wasn't real. It just means that you were in different families inside the same house.
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