31/07/2023
The hardest NO of my life
Saying no to your family is hard.
This was 2012, I had just aggressively paid down my education loan of about 3 lakhs in just 5 months. I did not care how much the instalments were officially supposed to be, I just wanted to be debt free as soon as possible so I could plan my startup.
When the salary hit my account, I would pay 50% of the salary immediately to prepay the loan. If there was any money left by the end of the month, I would pay that to the loan account as well.
Of course, it helped that I had a well paid job.
When the loan was paid, I felt like I had freedom to finally think of doing a startup.
I started saving and aligning things so I could quit in the next 6 months.
One of the tough things to do here was telling my mother I would quit and embrace a life of hardship for an unknown amount of time in the future.
She had sacrificed so much through her life to help me succeed upto that point, and I knew she was hoping after this I would help her in a few things, to make her dreams come true.
So I finally made the call. I still remember it vividly.
The call went downhill.
She sounded disappointed. She urged me to carry on. She even got emotional and cried.
She was tired of living in rented places and finally wanted to build her own place on a small parcel of land my parents had bought jointly (with their entire savings and some loan at that point).
They did not have money to build this, and my father refused to support this project.
She expected me to provide the funds.
I tried to convince her that she can wait for a few more years, there is no crisis as such that she has to immediately own a house ASAP. This is an emotional decision.
But she had made up her mind, and brought out her ultimate cards - reminding me of promises I made as a child to support her when I grew up. She made me count the numerous times she sacrificed her well being for us.
And she wanted me to postpone my startup.
This was a moment of danger. Millions of dreams get crushed exactly at this point. You prioritise dreams of your loved ones instead of doing the right thing that makes sense for the long term, even for your family.
What am I supposed to do? Give up on my dreams, suck it up and keep working at the job that made me deeply unhappy?
No way.
I informed her that I am going to give her my last savings that I had saved through the last 6 months (the original intent was that this saving will allow me to work for a year without worrying about money). I also sold the motorbike I had bought in college and gave the money to her.
She took a bank loan to build the house (look, this was always a possibility but it was easier to put the responsibility on me😂).
I also made her a promise - that give me a few years (3-4 years I said, naive me) and I would come back and change our family’s fortune forever if I succeeded. And if I failed, do not worry, I would never come back and ask you for money, I said.
So I entered my startup journey with significantly less cushion in the bank than I hoped to have. But at least I got a chance to make a play.
And I left behind every concern. There was only one objective that I must succeed.
I was not in a position to help my parents after 3-4 years as I thought I would be.
But then came 2019, the year my mother retired. Almost 7 years after I started my journey as an entrepreneur.
She did not get her pension. Her legitimate dues as a government teacher were held back due to some inane reasons.
But I told her, don’t worry, the pension you were supposed to get, I will give it to you.
By this time I had found some ground after my feet.
So my mother never again suffered from lack of money. At the most crucial time, I was able to tide her through.
It took her 3.5 years and a couple of High Court orders to get her pension, along with interest. This work was also done for her by her lawyer daughter (my sister). You can imagine how proud she is of her children these days.
She now gets two pensions, one from me and one from the State of West Bengal 😂 as she refused to let me stop even after she got her HC order
In the last 3 years, she has travelled to Spain, Portugal, Kenya, Tanzania, Dubai, Bangladesh (some 3 times to BD) and innumerable places within the country. No month goes by when she is not travelling.
Bad habits die hard though. She now gives me terrible financial advice like you should buy an apartment in New Town on EMI etc 💁apparently you should use the rent you pay to buy a property instead.
But I find it much easier to say NOOO to her now.
I have no doubt that I could not create the life I have been able to create for my parents if I just did a job. Starting a startup made all the difference. It was a lot of stress, a lot of struggle, a lot of failures, but I am proud of what we have created, and when I look at what it means for my family I feel blessed.
I have broken the generational curse of extreme poverty on my family.
Not only financially, today there is a sense of happiness, fulfilment, belongingness and togetherness in my family that I never saw as a child, growing up in a broken, fragmented household where quarrels, disputes and accusations never ended.
As I was able to turn scarcity into abundance, many things have forever changed now.
I had to harshly say no in order to march to my own tune, but it was worth it in the end.
I have no doubt that those amongst you who decide to take the harder path of wealth creation and building a business, will no doubt face such moments when ambitions, aspirations & dreams of your family members will collide with yours.
You may have to say no to the people you love the most, in interest of greater good. This is to be expected on your way to achieving a great destiny.
I hope you find the conviction in your heart to do the right thing.
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