Ashok Dubey

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Love and Our Ability to Humanize

When a human infant is born it is completely helpless. Without the caring of a mother or care taker survival would be impossible. It’s because of this state of complete helplessness coupled with brain’s drive to learn that insures that each of us is able to build a connection between the caring of others and our well being. The evolutionary process is responsible for creating the brain and the physical systems that grant us with ability to feel love; but it’s learning and the experiences of infancy that teaches us to desire and to seek love while making us social animals. The feeling of love is the brain’s shorthand for: you are safe in the company of this person or among these people. As I have mentioned in other writings; everyday love, the love we feel when we are in the company of those we have built a caring relationship with over time is simply a feeling of safety, a feeling generated by memories of the past telling us that we can trust the caring of this person who shares our company. A sense that is critical in terms of survival for it enhances our sense of safety allowing the brain to focus on other needs of survival such as finding water or locating shelter. Books and films tell us that crush or Falling in Love are the real feelings of love. And they are, but they exceptional feelings not everyday. Meaning that when we experience a crush or fall in love these temporary feelings, while they can be powerful, share the same goal as all relationship building. To secure a real relationship bonded by real experiences that generate real love.

Love makes us feel good, happy and balanced, which is motivation enough for most of us to pursue it in in our daily lives. But the reason for love’s existence is far deeper than feeling good. Love is a function of survival that insures that we are motivated to seek and maintain caring relationships because it’s our drive to bond with others and build community has insured our survival. But it would be a mistake to think that our ability to love is limited to human relationships and communities, it is not. A key component of love is learning. Learning creates memories and from memory the brain builds the perception of trusted caring. Learning plays an essential role in the feeling and bonding power of love. Meaning that anything that the brain learns to see as trustworthy in terms of its well being and survival can generate love; and meaning that we can feel love toward anything because we can learn to love anything.

We can love or feel love toward anything that the brain sees as trustworthy and caring. This is what is happening when a young child becomes attached to a particular stuffed animal or toy. The child’s brain learns to connect the toy with well being and safety. And because as infants we are touched and cuddled, fed and comforted from the beginning of life, we can observe young children expressing their love with the same caring behaviors that they have experienced. And then if the sense of love a child feels lasts long enough or is strong enough the child will go beyond gestures of caring and humanize their toy. They will name it, talk to it as if it were alive and act as if it has real feeling and needs. Humanizing objects or animals is something that begins early in life. And it will be apart of every individual’s experience as it proves to be a tool to regulate emotions, to develop empathy and to build imagination. Anytime the brain feels that something is trustworthy in terms of our well being or survival we will feel love. And if our sense of love is strong enough we will feel the need to recognize its importance by naming it and make it a part of our reality.

Human history is filled with societies and individuals humanizing objects, forces and animals. This is not a bad thing, as long as the brain can discern between what is real and what is fantasy. Humanizing brings with it a sense of connection and makes us feel safer. A stuffed animal for a child can calm them because the brain perceives it as something that is safe and caring. This ability humanizes things, no doubt laid the groundwork of the ancient religions of the past. The people of pre-history could see the forest, a specific spring, a good luck charm, or an idol as something capable of caring or protecting life. The ability of the brain to humanize things brings a sense of familiarly and comfort. And in response we feel loyalty and love. Our ability to love beyond other human beings; to humanize things, to feel an emotional connection to things around us has served us well as a species. It is a tool that has helped us to manage our emotions, to control our fear, and protect those things that bring us a sense of safety and joy. And as long as we are able to discern between real and make-believe humanization will serve us in many positive ways including making our life richer and more meaningful.

Be a Builder of Love.
Be a Herkanian.Follow Herkanian Theory.

Nature!

1 year ago 3 new items · Memory by Ashok Dubey