RiseMom

When it's all worth it!! 🥰

My pregnancy was very smooth. I didn't feel sick, even at times I didn't feel pregnant. But a day before his due date things started to get tough. He was moving less so we went to the hospital, I had a scan and were told the water around baby is 2cm while it is supposed to be 5cm so I was admitted to the Royal infirmary hospital, Edinburgh, right away to be induced. For three days there were horrible different experiments, during the day my partner was with me, however after 8pm, due to Covid restrictions no one would be allowed to stay in the ward. Days were better because I would have my caring and loving partner but at nights, I would cry for being alone in the pain!

On the third day baby heartbeat was not balanced so doctors said we will have to go for an emergency c-section. It was a mentally shocker for me as during the pregnancy everything was so smooth that no one even mentioned c-section at any stage.

It took total of 30 minutes I guess, when doctor mentioned c-section and all the pain I was experiencing in those three days, was over for a different phase. As they say, it really is beyond the words to explain the feelings when I saw my baby for the first time. Tears of joy, remembering the pain, tiredness and happiness all at once!

Due to Covid, my partner could not be with me at night so it was just me and my baby on his first night in the world. That night was so beautiful in it's own way. I was just loving every second with my baby, touching and feeling his hands, face, feet, nails, nose and so, I was busy feeling him when he smiled and that moment is printed in my heart for forever. ❤

Next morning, his body was warm and he was breathing fast so the nurse took his vitals and called the doctors. It was all very sudden. They said they need to move him to NICU right away. I was devastated as after three horrible days I got him and I was not ready for any other troubles. He had some problems with his oxygen levels so they had to put him in the incubator. He got some infection too so they were running some tests as well. I was in so much PAIN, and it was not only physical pain. I went to see him in the NICU on the wheelchair and when I saw him in the airtight box, all wired and plenty of needle marks on his feet sole with blood bits. I felt deep heartache, and I could not stop myself from crying with hiccups. Remembering all that I am back in tears! Most horrible feeling I ever had!

I had one night with him, after feeling him, feeding him, and then all of sudden, not being able to have him in my arms was soooooo heartwrenching. All I wanted was to hold him again.

I was missing his smile from last night!!

It took 6 more days to finally have him back in my room, his cot next to my bed under lights as he had jondas as well. Each day of those days was very difficult. During these six days, I got infection as well so I was also on antibiotics, it was a lot to handle... myself on the IV antibiotics, body in the pain, unable to move easily yet all I could think was about my baby... him in the NICU, seeing him moving his whole body as breathing so fast, needle marks on his tiny feet and back, his small body covered with wires and tube, cannula on his tiny little hands. The mental pain was more painful than the physical pain. Those were the 8 scariest, painful days of my life but it all paid of on the ninth day when I was discharged from the hospital with a cute little chipmunk, we named him Zohan which means "a prayer", "gift from God". :)

That day, when I got the news that we can go home, I saw a news on the mothers group who were expecting in August. One of the member mom lost her daughter a day before her due date. She had her baby delivered as still birth, for a moment I could not move! I felt so much love and pain for that mother and had tears of gratefulness for having my baby with me.

Sleepless nights dont make me feel horrible, I am glad he is healthy now and he is with me. That's all what matters for me. Alhamdulillah. :)

I pray and request everyone to pray for every mother, to have easy birthing experience and healthy baby. Being a mother is not easy, support them every possible way you can. I am grateful to Allah for blessing me with a partner who was there with me otherwise I might have lost my mind. He took care of me, baby and every little thing at home. He would stay up at night to cook for me and take care of home chores as during the days he would be with me at the hospital. He was absolutely love during all that. We are still figuring out a lot of things, not having any extra support has given two of us some extra challenges but it all is worth it. :)

Sihah
CEO, Rise Mom

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