10/20/2026
****Making the Connection Archives Series****
Every Tuesday, we are revisiting a past Making the Connection column originally published in the Cuthbert Southern Tribune. Since 2008, the weekly reflections have explored leadership, family community, and the lessons that connect us all.
This week's archived column is entitled "The Mantle of Leadership Is Heavy" by Dr. Kuanita E. Murphy, Published October 8, 2026
There is an old saying: “It costs to be the boss.” When we hear that expression, we may immediately think about money. But I have learned over the years that the real cost of leadership is rarely measured in dollars and cents. Leadership costs time. It costs energy. It costs patience. Sometimes it costs sleep. Sometimes it even costs relationships and popularity. The mantle of leadership is heavy.
From the outside looking in, leadership can appear attractive. People see the title. They see the recognition. They see the opportunity to make decisions and the access to rooms and conversations that others may not have. They may see the person sitting at the head of the table without ever considering what that person had to carry before reaching the table—or what follows them home when the meeting is over.
I remember something that happened years ago in a church. There was a gentleman who was very critical of the chairman of the deacon board. From his perspective, the chairman wasn't doing things the way they should be done. He believed he could do a better job.
Eventually, the chairman essentially said, “If you believe you can do it better, I'll yield the position to you.”
The appropriate process was followed, the change was made, and the gentleman finally got the opportunity to sit in the seat he had criticized from the outside. He lasted less than six months. Once he actually occupied the position, he discovered something he couldn't see from the outside: the seat came with weight.
There were responsibilities. There were expectations. There were decisions to make. There were personalities to manage. There were problems that somebody had to address. Suddenly, what looked relatively easy from the outside felt very different from the inside.
He eventually resigned, and to my knowledge, he never sought that position again.
That experience has stayed with me because I have seen the same thing happen in organizations, workplaces, and communities. Sometimes people desire positions without fully understanding the responsibility attached to them.
There is nothing wrong with aspiring to leadership. We need people who are willing to step forward. Every generation needs new leaders. But before seeking the title, we should ask ourselves whether we are prepared to carry what comes with it.
Leadership is more than being in charge. It is being accountable when something goes wrong. It is making decisions when there is no perfect choice. It is listening to criticism without responding to every critic. It is doing work that nobody notices and accepting responsibility for things everybody notices.
Leadership also requires maturity. Sometimes people reach positions of leadership before developing the maturity those positions require. Personal disagreements can become organizational divisions. People can retreat into circles of those they like or those who always agree with them. Pettiness, backbiting and personality conflicts can begin to overshadow the work. But leadership requires us to rise above those things.
When you truly hold the mantle of leadership, you have to recognize that the mission is bigger than your personal feelings. Leadership means bringing people together rather than dividing them. It means understanding that everybody will not like you, and you will not like everybody. Yet you still have a responsibility to treat people with dignity, work with people with whom you disagree and keep the purpose of the organization ahead of personalities.
Everybody cannot do that.
It takes a certain grace and maturity to see something as bigger than yourself. It takes discipline to show up, do the job and honor the responsibility even when circumstances are uncomfortable and relationships are difficult. That is where leadership becomes stewardship.
A leadership position is not simply something we possess. It is something temporarily entrusted to us. Whether we are leading a church, organization, business, community group or something else, eventually somebody else will occupy the seat. The question is: What condition will we leave it in?
Did we strengthen the organization or weaken it? Did we develop other leaders or make everything dependent upon ourselves? Did we bring people together or drive them apart? Did we use the position primarily for ourselves, or did we use it to serve the people and purpose entrusted to us? Those are harder questions than what title appears beside our name.
Leadership also requires understanding that authority and responsibility travel together. If you want the authority to make the decision, you must also be willing to accept responsibility for the consequences of that decision. You don't get to claim the authority when things go right and hand somebody else the responsibility when things go wrong.
The strongest leaders I have encountered generally don't have to remind everybody that they are leaders. Their work speaks for them. They understand that leadership isn't simply a position to occupy; it is a responsibility to carry and a trust to honor.
So, before we covet somebody else's seat, title or position, perhaps we should ask a different question. Not, “Why are they sitting there?” But “Am I prepared to carry what comes with that seat?” Because there is truth in that old saying: It costs to be the boss. The title may be free. The recognition may feel good. The seat may look comfortable. But the mantle has weight. --
