The Depression Chronicles

Depression steals your confidence. I try to tell myself I’m doing a good job at work, for example. But there’s a shadow inside me that takes it away and replaces it with self doubt, insecurity, and overly self critical.
I don’t know how to fix it either.
Sometimes I wake up in the morning and for a split second, I tell myself it’s not worth it today.

Days like today compel me to think I just don’t want to this anymore. Coincidentally, I come home from a rough day at work and watch the latest episode of The Pitt where the main character feels the same way. It a tug of war between being overly pathetic and whiney and deep seated depression that steals any joy I get out of day to day living. It’s almost like a full job just to get through the day. Seriously.

https://shelteringarmsinstitute.com/rehablogs/coping-with-seasonal-depression/?fbclid=IwZnRzaAPdDqBleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZAo2NjI4NTY4Mzc5AAEevF0GG-iLeWYvlhn2ZxaswWbzgmZHi_Jb1m5nlvgFULSvoaF46GE8PiYMjeE_aem_uoNyYzRziLq-PNGpCd7vSA

Coping With Seasonal Depression Winter can take a toll on mood and energy. Learn how understanding Seasonal Affective Disorder can help your support mental health.

https://www.facebook.com/share/1MpBvaGG1p/?mibextid=wwXIfr

It's common for us to feel better after we move our body, and a new review shows just how real that effect can be. Even more gentle movement like walking or gardening can help ease depression just as well as talk therapy or antidepressants.

“It really reiterates that exercise provides an option for people who have depressive symptoms, and confirms that exercise may be as effective as psychotherapy and antidepressants,” says Andrew Clegg at the University of Lancashire in the UK.

This is not a brand new idea. Earlier research, including a major 2013 review from the Cochrane Library, found that exercise could reduce depression symptoms as effectively as common treatments like antidepressants or cognitive behavioural therapy.

Because of findings like these, many healthcare organizations now encourage exercise as part of depression care. In the UK, for example, the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence recommends weekly aerobic exercise such as jogging for about 10 weeks, usually alongside other treatments, since no single approach works for everyone.

Since that 2013 review, dozens of new studies have been published, which led the Cochrane Library to update its analysis. “This latest review [almost] doubles the evidence base that was in the previous one,” says Clegg, who helped author the review.

Movement and exercise activate the sympathetic nervous system and can often bring us up out of a chronic shutdown (from the survival portion of the parasympathetic nervous system), which is the state of our nervous system where the feeling of depression arises.

The day after Thanksgiving is supposed to be one of relaxation and thankfulness. For me though, it's just another day...I have this constant sense of eminent doom. It's sad, I know....but I live with a high level of anxiety that sometimes I just don't want to do it anymore. Pathetic, I know. I'm on medication, I exercise and try to have a positive outlook on things but this depression just squashes every ounce I have every day. I really wish I could change this because all of this affects my day to day life including work. I hate feeling like this, I really do.
I envy the ones who I see living a happy life but I guess some people don't have the same hand in the card game.
I'm sorry if anyone reads this and feels bad for me...I don't want people to feel bad or think this is some sort of self pity posting. It's just like this almost every day for me. I'm 51 years old and still not happy or content with the way my life has unfolded.
Yes, pitiful I know.

Depression is a very strange illness. It's invisible to anyone else who is afflicted with it. Furthermore, It's very hard for me to understand why and how depression has affected my life...I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't ask to have near zero confidence and even less self esteem. Yet, here I am a person who feels like s**t just about every day. Is all this a reflection of human evolution, is it genetic, or is depression a God made invention. Regardless of it's origin, it plays a profound role in my day to day life. Even sometimes I think it's self inflicted by the stupid choices I've made (especially recently). All I know is that most days I really don't want to deal with it anymore. I just quit a job that most likely I was going to be let go and now my prospects of getting a new job (that I enjoy and that I'm actually good at) become less and less each day. Due to pride and high level stubbornness, I don't really say much to people about any of this. I'm down to writing a blog entry on a secondary page I created about a year ago.
Tomorrow I have to deal with this once again. It's just getting old.

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I've been approved for Spravato, a ketamine based treatment for depression. I'm not too optimistic about it but it's worth the try, I suppose.

Talk therapy is being used more by Americans, while use of psych meds alone is down : Shots - Health News

https://www.npr.org/sections/shots-health-news/2025/05/05/nx-s1-5387204/talk-therapy-psychotherapy-ssri-psychiatric-drugs?utm_term=nprnews&utm_campaign=npr&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&fbclid=IwY2xjawKHAk1leHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHt6Mp1ItPmyQR0u9ve9lgtCvmJBhueBedXEWlq3ryjAa3EH_69OH07UmLyqF_aem_KI0IRZn-TWL_ZYE5Ss8eBw

www.npr.org