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Survivors in Isolation: Abusers Separate Victims from Everyone for Power and Control
Restricting connections to friends, family, work and healthcare makes survivors dependent on abusers!
Key Takeaways:
Isolation is a powerful abuse tactic—abusers cut survivors off from friends, family, work and healthcare to gain control and make them dependent.
Emotional and mental health suffer under isolation, leading survivors to doubt themselves, believe false narratives and feel undeserving of help.
Support and reconnection are vital—trust your instincts, document the abuse and reach out to someone you trust or a professional for help. You're not alone.
If you’re with an abusive partner, or suspect you may be with an abusive partner, there’s a good chance you’re feeling cut off from everyone else outside your relationship. Isolation is a deliberate tactic abusers use to control survivors. It’s a form of emotional abuse, and it can make a survivor feel like they’re the only ones going through abuse. That’s because cutting a survivor off from people who care about them, and who might point out the abuse, makes it easier for abusers to take control. Isolation makes it harder for survivors to leave.

“As humans, we tend to believe what we are told if we hear it enough times. If an abuser repeatedly tells you that you don’t deserve better, no one loves you, and that the abuser is all you have left, you will believe it. This gives the abuser power!

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Why does domestic violence happen?
Often, domestic violence happens because it’s a way for the perpetrator to gain power and control. This desire for control could be linked to many factors, from insecurity and low self-esteem to a lack of education.

For example, if the perpetrator witnessed domestic violence as a child — perhaps from one parent to another — they may grow up thinking violence is an acceptable way to resolve conflict.

That said, domestic violence is ultimately a choice. A person’s experiences or current struggles do not excuse or justify the decision to commit violent acts.

Is domestic violence something your relationship can come back from?
With professional help, an abuser can change. However, it can often be a long and tricky process, and you’re not obliged to stick around and wait for them.

There’s often a pattern in which the perpetrator promises to change, seems to be on the right track for a few days or weeks, but then reverts to past behaviors. Remember, actions speak louder than words.

Everyone has different limits when it comes to continuing a relationship. This can be complicated by financial circumstances, shared children, or even a fear of their actions if you try to leave.

Whatever your reasons — and whatever you decide to do now or in the future — there are steps to help protect yourself and your dependents. This may include children, siblings, or pets.

If you can, try to keep the lines of communication open with trusted friends or family members. You might also confide in them about what you’re experiencing so that there’s a record of violence, should you ever need it.

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