The Drunk Opossum

10/30/2026

People always ask why we're called The Drunk Opossum. Spoiler alert: Lower your expectations - this isn’t funny or witty.

I wish I had something cool to say like when opossums ‘play dead,’ it resembles more of a drunken night out than a defense (less) mechanism.

It boils down to this: I love opossums and drinking … margaritas. STRONG margaritas.
I chose the name in Spanish to post over the entrance to our South Texas retirement ranch (that I will never be able to afford to buy).

❤️ Tlacuache Borracho Preserve. ❤️

I’m as white girl as it comes and I love Tex Mex but refuse to roll my Rs because I sound like a stupid gringa, so I opted for tlacuache over zarigueya. 😉

No one could spell, pronounce, or remember the name in Spanish (despite this being Texas y’all), so we changed it to English. It’s different and you’ll remember it.

Maybe, I’ll hang a sign over my door at the nursing home one day. For now, you can find us on online, word of mouth, and probably my personal number somewhere on a bathroom wall.

10/29/2026

UPDATE - Transport found! Thank you to all who responded!

Correction - this request is for Saturday, Oct. 31.

We need a bat superhero! We have a 2-way transport need for Saturday - what better way to spend Halloween than helping bats?

We have 11 bats in Arlington that need to be returned to Houston for release in Huntsville, and our rehabber who is working on the Huntsville colony issue has more injured bats to send up to us. We have a transporter identified who can collect the bats on the Houston end and bring them as far as Centerville; now we need someone to pick up in Arlington and trade in Centerville, bringing the new arrivals to us.

Please text 817-229-5653 if you can help with this transport!

10/29/2026

WANNA RUIN YOUR FREAKING NIGHT?!

Grab a flashlight, go outside after dark, and hold it right next to your face. Shine it across your grass.

See all those tiny little sparkles? Those aren’t dew drops or fairies living in Grandma’s Fairy Garden Kit from Home Depot.

THOSE ARE F’N SPIDER EYEBALLS. (Yes, I said balls two days in a row). Wolf spiders have reflective structures in their eyes that bounce light right back at you. Depending on your yard, there could be HUNDREDS of those eight-legged little bastards out there.

Just sitting in the grass.

Watching you.

Judging your recent life choices.

Talking s**t about you and your mom.

The good news? They’re actually beneficial. Wolf spiders eat insects and help keep pest populations under control.

The bad news? You’ve been walking barefoot through what is essentially an eight-legged swingers convention, and nobody bothered to tell you. GROSSSSSS!

Happy Halloween Week, Lovelies! If you like these posts, share a cool post with your friends. If you don’t like them, share them anyway so you can make fun of us. 🤗🤣

10/28/2026

Meet Brittney!!!

10/28/2026

MYTH: Opossums are aggressive and will chase you!

** BUSTED! **

** Opossums are soooo not confrontational. They would rather play dead than fight. In fact, most of the time, it’s an involuntary response anyway. It can last a few minutes up to several hours . Personally, I think it’s a stupid defense mechanism that doesn’t work, but … no one consulted me when they made opossums.

** When bare their teeth, drool, and release foul-smelling green butt discharge to convince predators they’re dead and decomposing and or rabid. Of course, this doesn’t stop dogs from shaking them silly.

** They're actually the cleanup crew of the woods — eating ticks, slugs, rotten fruit, lizards, mice, and all the gross stuff nobody else wants! A dead dinner is an easy dinner.

** And rabies in opossums? Im gonna go out on a limb and say, nahhhh. It’s so EXTREMELY rare, thanks to their low body temp, that you’d probably get a Netflix documentary if you got rabies from a goth hamster.

** Hey! Did you know they’re resistant to snake venom? Yeah, I’m totally serious. Scientists are studying their blood proteins to develop potentially lifesaving antivenoms!

Takeaway? If you think you have a dead possum in your yard, just wait - it might come back to life and walk off. It’s not rabid - it’s just a phenomenal performer. Don’t eat these either - this means you East Texas and Louisiana!

10/28/2026

Good night everyone! Thank you for all your support - it means the world to us! ❤️

10/27/2026

At 49, I've decided I'm old enough to stop pretending to be a responsible adult — especially when I still giggle at animal anatomy. After some ill-advised peer pressure, I've decided to take this to the next level ... straight into the unhinged territory where I spend most of my time.

We want the followers. We desperately need the fundraising. And apparently, I'm willing to exploit testicles to accomplish both. Look, I've got little to no shame, a dangerously low checking account, and an alarming enthusiasm for questionable wildlife anatomy. Everyone who knows me knows it too! It’s probably ridiculous to some and embarrassing to my parents, but frankly, testicles haven't stopped being funny since the 7th grade.

And thus, TESTICLE TUESDAYS has been born … Yeah, I'm dead serious. And no, I don't care. I'm a middle-aged woman running a wildlife nonprofit, and I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m willing to use balls for bills. And you know what? I've made worse decisions. We're going to learn things – real things, but it’s just gonna be fun and stupid too.

Every Tuesday, we're asking our fellow wildlife lovers, who are … (wait for it) … nuts for wildlife … (HA!) to donate just $5 to help us feed, medicate, rehabilitate, and release the animals in our care. Five bucks – that’s it. You know what?! I’ll even take $2. This isn’t for me. It’s for them. If you donate enough, I might be drunk texting you too!

Today, tho, today I'm only warning you of what's to come. Your job is spread the good word so we can hit the GROUND running next Tuesday.

If you can’t donate, no problem. Reposting costs nothing and it helps us reach even more people who might be able to donate today. Helping isn’t always about money. Together, we can save some wildlife! You game?

This first post, BUST or success, is for Jade and Tracey 😍

10/27/2026

An oldie of Jim. ❤️ He was a good boy and an excellent educational ambassador.

10/25/2026

MYTH: All armadillos have Hansen’s disease, AKA leprosy! ** BUSTED! **

** Humans likely introduced leprosy to armadillos centuries ago, NOT the other way around!

** About 95% of humans are naturally resistant to the disease. Only 15% of armadillos are believed to have it. Low odds, huh?!

**Transmission from armadillos is rare. Risk is associated with direct contact, particularly handling, butchering, or preparing infected armadillos for food.

**The disease is curable with antibiotics! Leprosy does NOT cause your fingers and toes to simply fall off! You won’t be banished to isolated islands.

Our key take away? Don’t eat raw creatures. Don’t pet wild s**t. Take a picture instead. Wash your hands you filthy human!

10/23/2026

Log on with us next week as we continue our education! ❤️

Love bats, but don't know how to help save them? Don't miss this webinar on one of the #1 ways you can support bats and other nocturnal wildlife featuring DarkSky International.
https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/3117912416142/WN_VMnnXQ5ESROvIJJkQJVcXA