13/09/2021
*Grace and Holding Space*
I took an unexpected Social Media break. I didn’t plan it and honestly didn’t see it coming but it shined a light on two things I preach to my doula families: Self-Care and Grace. July and August were unexpectedly tough! TOUGH tough! I celebrated the one year birth of my son and simultaneously dreaded the one year anniversary of him being admitted in PICU in septic shock for almost a month following his birth. To be transparent, it hit me HARD! PTSD of being a NICU/PICU mom is so real! It was such a tough space to dwell in; feeling two different emotions yet still showing up for the families I was supporting in the best way I could. Some births went beautifully. Some were tough for the families and also tough for me as a doula with hard lessons learned. I preach to give yourself grace and patience as you navigate parenthood with a newborn. July and August confirmed to give myself grace as I navigate through hard life experiences! I wanted to post so much content (and will begin to slowly do so again), but every time I went to post, the internal battles of gratefulness and “what ifs” took over. I chose to stay in the moment of enjoying my son and holding space to feel those emotions for myself.
As a birth worker, we hold space for others and also need to hold space for each other. Thank you to those who have allowed me the space to be in ALL my feelings over the last 12 months. Trauma comes in many forms. Birthworkers aren’t exempt from experiencing trauma in some shape, form, or fashion when it comes to our births or postpartum journeys. Ironically, I feel more comfortable coming out of that shell during September which is NICU Awareness Month. I have had 1 NICU baby and 2 PICU babies (admitted days after their birth so longer qualified to be in NICU). May this message give someone the courage to feel and just BE in their emotions (whatever they are) and give yourself the grace and patience to navigate through some hard stuff in your own way.
