10/30/2026
🚨 NON-OFFICIAL NOTICE FROM THE NOT-MANAGEMENT 🚨
The teachers are still in charge, but their qualifications are questionable. 🧐🦁
History Department: Currently co-taught by Art the Clown and the Wayne’s World crew. Excellent coverage of the 1990s, but the grading system is incredibly silent, gory, and full of "Schwing!" 🎸🤡
Adding to the chaos, Felonius Gru and his Minions have successfully staged a coup. Every historical document is being aggressively altered with a freeze ray. The entire APUSH textbook is being rewritten using elaborate blueprint schemes to steal the moon, and grading is handled strictly in yellow bananas. 🍌🌕
PE: Ted Lasso is running the turf today. He doesn't care if you can do a push up, he just wants you to "believe" in the whistle and bake him shortbread cookies. ⚽️🍪
A tag-team kaleidoscope of Social Butterflies and Spider-Man have replaced our social workers. They are fully equipped to catch your feelings in a web or just bring some bright beauty to your life. 🦋🕸️
The Care Bears are officially running the school. Send help, the intercom announcements are just aggressive "chipper-fine" positive affirmations. 🐻🌈
The English and SPED departments have officially formed an alliance, creating the "Danger Zone." No one is quite sure what this means, but there's a lot of aviator sunglasses, Kenny Loggins music blasting from the classrooms, and they are writing IEP goals strictly at Mach 2. 😎🎸
Spanish is currently being taught by a literal piñata. The lessons are entirely in Spanish, and the grading rubric is delicious. If you conjugate your verbs correctly, you get candy.
