10/22/2026
🚨 WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE FIRE DEPARTMENT'S HALLOWEEN CANDY Opinions 🚨
We really didn't want to bring this to Facebook, but apparently we're the only ones in this town who understand what Halloween candy is supposed to be.
Before this turns into a whole thing, a quick announcement from the City of Jerome:
JEROME'S ANNUAL TRUNK OR TREAT IS BACK!
The City of Jerome, Idaho will once again be hosting this awesome community event on Saturday, October 31, from 5–7 PM!
Due to construction, we'll be setting up in the Jerome High School parking lot this year.
Bring the kids, bring your costumes, come get some candy, and come say hi to us! We'll be there, and we are fully prepared to make questionable decisions about how much sugar is an appropriate amount for a child to consume in one evening.
Which brings us to our current problem with the Jerome City Fire Department.
Somewhere along the way, a discussion about Trunk or Treat turned into an argument about whether kids should be equally excited to receive full-size chocolate bars, loose candy from Grandma's kitchen bowl, circus peanuts, and donated zucchini.
Yes. ZUCCHINI.
We're going to need everyone to hear us out.
The Jerome Police Department believes that if you're going to hand out Halloween candy, you should probably hand out candy people actually want. Seems pretty straightforward to us.
Chocolate. Reese's. KitKats. Snickers. Maybe some of those little Twix bars if you're on a budget. We're not unreasonable people.
The fire department, however, apparently believes we're missing the true meaning of Halloween.
According to them, it's about community, generosity, and appreciating what you're given.
Which sounds lovely until you realize they're using this argument to defend handing children a piece of hard candy that has been sitting loose in someone's kitchen bowl since approximately 1987.
We asked if the candy was individually wrapped.
They said it didn't need to be.
We asked how long it had been sitting there.
They said that wasn't the point.
WE THINK THAT IS EXACTLY THE POINT.
Listen, we have nothing against grandmothers. We love grandmothers. Grandmothers are wonderful people. They feed us, they spoil us, and some of them will absolutely tell you things about your family that nobody else has the courage to say out loud. They even buy raffle tickets for the K9 fundraiser (thank you grammy).
But we are going to draw the line at unwrapped hard candy.
Everybody knows the bowl we're talking about.
It's usually on a coffee table or a kitchen counter. It contains a mixture of butterscotch, peppermints, and some other unidentified hard candy that nobody remembers buying. There's always one piece that's been there so long it has developed its own weather system.
Nobody eats that candy.
It just gets moved around.
Company comes over? Move the candy bowl.
Grandkids visit? Move the candy bowl.
Cleaning for Thanksgiving? Put the candy bowl somewhere safe.
And somehow, that same candy is still there when Christmas rolls around.
Now the fire department wants us to believe this is a perfectly acceptable Halloween offering.
They claim it's a classic.
We claim it's a family heirloom.
There's a difference.
A Jolly Rancher in a wrapper? Absolutely.
A butterscotch candy in a wrapper? Sure. We're not monsters.
A loose piece of hard candy from a bowl that has been sitting on a stranger's end table since the first Bush administration?
No thank you.
The fire department says we're being dramatic.
WE ARE NOT BEING DRAMATIC.
We are asking reasonable questions.
Has this candy been in a purse? Has it been in a pocket? Has it been fished out from between couch cushions? Has it been accidentally dropped, picked up, and put back in the bowl because nobody was entirely sure what else to do with it?
These are things a responsible candy distributor needs to consider.
The fire department insists that if Grandma says it's good, it's good.
Apparently, we're supposed to trust the candy because Grandma has been around for a while.
By that logic, we should also be allowed to hand out the batteries from our TV remotes because they've been working just fine for years.
Anyway, we thought that was the worst of it.
We were wrong.
Because then somebody brought up circus peanuts.
For anyone who doesn't know what circus peanuts are, they're those orange, peanut-shaped things that look like a marshmallow got left in a hot car and then somebody decided to sell it anyway.
The fire department thinks these are an acceptable Halloween treat.
We need to know who hurt them.
Seriously. What happened? Who convinced these people that circus peanuts belong in the same category as a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup?
They're not even the same species of snack.
A child opens their bag and finds a full-size Hershey bar. That's a win.
A child opens their bag and finds circus peanuts. That's a question.
A child opens their bag and finds circus peanuts AND a piece of unwrapped Grandma candy? Now we're looking into whether this was a personal attack.
The fire department says some people actually like circus peanuts.
Fine. Some people like them.
Some people also put pineapple on pizza, and we're trying to be understanding about that, too.
But we're not going to pretend that circus peanuts are the gold standard of Halloween candy just because someone, somewhere, has developed a taste for orange packing material.
They say it's nostalgic.
We say so is dial-up internet, and we're not bringing that back either.
They say kids should learn to appreciate what they get.
We agree. Kids should appreciate things. They should appreciate their families, their friends, their community, and the people who take time out of their day to make Halloween fun.
But let's not confuse teaching gratitude with handing a child a circus peanut and expecting them to write a thank-you note.
Nobody has ever dumped out their Halloween bag, found circus peanuts, and yelled, "YES! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS HOPING FOR!"
If your kid has done that, please contact us. We'd like to speak with them. We have some questions, and possibly a scholarship opportunity.
Now, at this point, we figured we had made our position pretty clear.
Wrapped candy: good.
Chocolate: excellent.
Loose candy from Grandma's bowl: questionable.
Circus peanuts: grounds for further discussion.
And then the fire department came out with their strongest argument yet.
DONATED ZUCCHINI.
We wish we were making this up.
Apparently, somebody has a garden, somebody has too much zucchini, and somebody at the fire department looked at this situation and thought, "You know what would make Trunk or Treat better? Giving it to children."
We don't know who started this.
We don't know who approved it.
We don't know if there was a meeting.
But we do know that somewhere in this process, an adult looked at a zucchini and decided it belonged in a Halloween candy bag.
A ZUCCHINI.
For Halloween.
We need to know what the children are supposed to do with this information.
Imagine being a kid. You spend weeks figuring out your costume. Your parents spend an hour getting you into it. You walk around the parking lot at Trunk or Treat, visiting decorated vehicles, saying trick-or-treat, and carrying a bag specifically designed to collect candy.
You get to the fire department.
You reach into the bag.
And someone hands you a zucchini.
What are you supposed to say?
"Thank you, sir. I've always wanted to make ratatouille."
"Gee, I hope this goes well with the 47 KitKats I already have."
"Can you please give me another one? My mom has been looking for a way to get me to eat more vegetables."
NO.
That kid is going to look at you like you personally ruined Halloween.
And honestly, we'd understand.
The fire department says the zucchini is healthy.
WE KNOW WHAT A VEGETABLE IS.
Nobody is arguing that zucchini is unhealthy. This is not a debate about nutrition. This is Halloween.
Nobody is showing up at Thanksgiving and getting mad because there's turkey instead of a Snickers bar.
Nobody is going to a birthday party and expecting a bowl of broccoli next to the cake.
There is a time and a place for vegetables.
Trunk or Treat is not that time.
The fire department says the zucchini was donated, and we should appreciate the generosity.
We appreciate donations. We really do.
But if someone donates 400 zucchini, that doesn't mean we need to start handing them out to children dressed as Spider-Man.
At some point, you have to ask yourself whether you're solving a problem or just passing it along to someone smaller than you.
We suggested that perhaps the zucchini could be used for cooking.
The fire department thought this was a good idea.
Of course they did.
They apparently envision children going home after Trunk or Treat, setting their candy bags aside, putting on an apron, and helping Mom prepare a nice seasonal vegetable dish.
Meanwhile, the rest of us know what's actually happening.
The kids get home. They dump their candy on the living room floor. They sort everything into piles. They hide the good stuff from their siblings. They try to negotiate a trade involving six pieces of candy nobody likes for one Reese's.
Their parents confiscate some of the chocolate for "safety reasons."
And the zucchini?
The zucchini is sitting on the kitchen counter next to the bowl of unwrapped Grandma candy.
Waiting.
Waiting for someone to figure out what to do with it.
Probably until Thanksgiving.
Then it'll get moved to the garage.
By Christmas, nobody will remember where it came from.
By next Halloween, the fire department will be trying to give it back to the same children.
It's a vicious cycle, and somebody needs to stop it.
We asked the fire department whether they would be willing to accept zucchini instead of their normal paychecks.
They said that was different.
We asked how.
They didn't have a good answer.
We asked whether they would trade their morning coffee for a circus peanut.
They said no.
We asked whether they'd be happy if someone came into the fire station and gave them a bowl of loose butterscotch candy instead of buying them lunch.
They said it depended on the circumstances.
IT DOES NOT DEPEND ON THE CIRCUMSTANCES.
Nobody wants mystery candy for lunch.
Nobody wants a zucchini for Halloween.
And nobody should be forced to defend circus peanuts in a public forum.
Yet here we are.
At this point, we decided we needed some actual guidelines, because apparently common sense has left the building.
JEROME PD HALLOWEEN CANDY GUIDELINES
1. Chocolate
Chocolate is encouraged.
Full-size candy bars are strongly encouraged.
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are considered an excellent choice.
Anybody handing out full-size candy bars will be remembered fondly by the children and may receive preferential treatment during future neighborhood disputes. (We are kidding. Mostly.)
2. Individually wrapped hard candy
Acceptable.
We will not discriminate against a perfectly good Jolly Rancher just because it isn't chocolate.
3. Unwrapped candy from Grandma's bowl
Absolutely not.
We don't care if Grandma is 102 years old and has been buying the same candy since the invention of the automobile.
Wrap it.
4. Circus peanuts
We are not banning them.
We are simply asking that anyone distributing them take a long, hard look at their life choices.
5. Zucchini
No.
Not a small one. Not a large one. Not one of those enormous ones that grow in the garden and look like they could be used as a baseball bat.
No zucchini.
6. Raisins
We're not even going to get into raisins today.
We have enough problems.
The fire department has informed us that our proposed guidelines are unreasonable and that we're missing the point of Halloween.
They say Halloween should be about community spirit, not materialism.
We say you can have community spirit AND give a kid a Snickers.
These things are not mutually exclusive.
You can love your neighbors and still understand that nobody wants to receive a squash when they were expecting chocolate.
You can appreciate a donation and still recognize that maybe the donation isn't suitable for the occasion.
You can respect the fire department and still question the judgment of anyone who believes circus peanuts are a good substitute for a KitKat.
Both things can be true.
We've also heard that the fire department may be considering expanding its Halloween offerings to include raisins, dental floss, and coupons for free oil changes.
We have not confirmed these rumors.
But we are watching the situation closely.
If they start handing out those little boxes of raisins that nobody ever eats, we may have to get the city involved.
If they start handing out dental floss, we will be requesting an explanation from the chief.
And if someone hands a child a coupon for an oil change, we're going to need to see some identification because that child is clearly being recruited into a very different kind of operation.
Look, we don't ask for much.
We show up. We do our jobs. We answer calls. We deal with all kinds of nonsense.
We would just like one night a year where children can walk around town, get a ridiculous amount of sugar, and go home happy.
We don't need to turn Trunk or Treat into a nutrition seminar.
We don't need to teach children the value of locally sourced produce while they're dressed like a zombie.
And we certainly don't need to explain to a five-year-old why the fire department thinks a zucchini is an appropriate substitute for a Snickers bar.
That is a conversation none of us should have to have.
So, to our friends at the fire department: we love you. We appreciate what you do. We're glad you're here.
But we're going to need you to put the zucchini down.
Step away from the circus peanuts.
And for the love of everything holy, wrap Grandma's candy.
We don't want this to become a bigger issue than it already is.
We really don't.
But if we have to, we will schedule a meeting.
There will be an agenda.
There will be a PowerPoint.
There may even be a blind taste test.
And if the fire department wants to defend circus peanuts in front of a panel of actual children, we will happily arrange it.
We already know how it's going to end.
The kids are going to pick the chocolate.
The fire department is going to go home with a zucchini.
And Jerome PD is going to have the last laugh.
ONE MORE THING BEFORE WE GO.
Since we're apparently using this post to discuss everything happening in Jerome this Halloween, we'd also like to remind everyone that we're still raising money for our K9 program.
You know, the actual reason we need money. A working dog. Training. Equipment. The whole thing.
We'd really appreciate your support, and if you haven't bought a raffle ticket yet, now would be a fantastic time to remedy that situation.
Buy one.
Buy ten.
Buy 100.
We are not picky.
We are significantly less picky about raffle ticket donations than we are about Halloween candy, and that's saying something.
Every bit helps us get closer to putting a K9 on the street. And unlike the zucchini, this is one thing we can promise will actually be useful to the department.
So come see us at the City of Jerome Trunk or Treat on October 31, from 5–7 PM, at the Jerome High School parking lot. Bring the kids, check out the costumes, say hi, and help us settle the candy debate.
And if you happen to see the fire department handing out circus peanuts, please don't start anything.
Happy Halloween!
~ JPD 🤘🏼💙
Disclaimer: This post was written while on routine patrol, and while engaged in "real police work" we were at work, working, we can't get any more at work, please save the "get to work" comments. As you can see, we are hourly employees. Thank you.
