10/09/2026
Today's spotlight comes from Scott Cochran, MYFS Director. Talking to Teens About Sexual Consent: A Discussion Framework for Parents & Adults
Having been a clinician with MYFS for nearly 23 years, and its Director for the last eleven, I have had many opportunities to talk to teens and parents about s*xual consent. My time leading “Guy Talk”—a staff-guided discussion in 11th-grade health classes—deeply informed my perspective. My experience taught me that teens, especially boys, genuinely want and need to talk about consent. It works best as an open dialogue that invites their experiences and questions.
Let’s acknowledge upfront that not all adults are comfortable discussing s*xual behavior with teens; some prefer a simple "no s*x until you’re an adult" approach. However, research indicates that about a quarter of teens have their first s*xual experience by age fifteen, and up to seventy percent do by the time they leave high school.
This framework is for adults who recognize the importance of discussing consent proactively. It does not condone teen s*xual behavior, but rather acknowledges reality: puberty prepares bodies physically before the brain’s frontal lobes—which handle impulse control and reasoning—are fully developed. Combined with pro-s*x media messaging, potential substance use, and peer pressure, guidance becomes essential.
First, parents should discuss s*xual "readiness." Beyond pointing to Connecticut's legal age of consent (16), it is often more helpful to frame readiness around emotional maturity, similar to how parents evaluate a teen's readiness to drive, work, or care for siblings. Adults can reflect on what readiness means to them, helping connect teens with an internal sense of autonomy and control over their choices. It may help to frame how readiness would “feel,” as it may be more of a situational question for teens.
Talking about consent requires shifting far beyond simple compliance or "just say no." True consent is grounded in mutual, active communication—a clear, deliberate "yes" rather than silence or the absence of a refusal. Consent is specific and fully reversible at any point, meaning agreement to one activity never implies consent for another.
To keep conversations approachable, leverage low-pressure moments in daily life. Scenes from movies or TV shows serve as natural conversation starters to ask open-ended questions about character communication. Discussing these topics during parallel activities, such as driving or cooking, reduces face-to-face pressure. Equip teens with clear, actionable language for establishing boundaries and asking permission, making sure this explicitly extends to digital spaces regarding private photos and messages. When high-profile incidents occur in the news, engage your teen on what they are hearing and how it applies to real life.
Adults must also explicitly address how alcohol and drugs compromise judgment, making legal and ethical consent impossible. Avoid skipping deeper conversations about substance use; teens often navigate nuanced situations where advice like "never" fails them if they have used and substance and feel un-impaired. Adults can explain that legal standards for impairment reflect high stakes, similar to driving after drinking. Crucially, discussions about sobriety should focus on both partners, not just the potential partner. It’s been notable for me that teen boys often hear of the importance of knowing their partner’s sobriety, which is true, but not as much for their own.
Knowing your partner also makes determining consent much easier. Greater familiarity increases open dialogue and awareness of subtle cues, whereas impromptu "hookups" carry far higher risks—especially when substances are involved.
Parents can reinforce these values at home by modeling respect for bodily autonomy, such as knocking before entering a room or asking before hugging. By serving as a non-judgmental "safe landing zone," adults build the trust needed to support teens through confusing situations. You don't need formal training or an advanced degree—just self-awareness of your values and a willingness to engage through ongoing, curious conversations over time.