10/31/2026
The world has only known about our pregnancy for a few weeks, and I’m already feeling a shocking and sickening exhaustion from the thousands of comments like these that we’re receiving daily.
First, take a moment to let the staggering applause for Sharon sink in. She left this comment on Hannah’s “first trimester recap,” which generally includes giddy photos of the two of us gleefully geeking about the early stages of parenting. A few days later, Sharon’s comment has 63,000 likes and counting.
Let me be very clear: Sharon sucks. It takes a particularly wretched and disgusting personality to feel comfortable commenting negatively on a happy couple’s pregnancy update. I feel no desire or obligation to extend her grace, but I do acknowledge (and pity) that her underlying beliefs about disability and parenting probably stem from a lack of understanding and experience.
So what, exactly, is Sharon not understanding?
Two main things.
1- A physical disability, even one as severe as mine, does not preclude someone from physically engaging with their child or the world around them. Of course, adaptations are needed. Creativity is needed. I’ll push a stroller with my adaptive stroller attachment instead of my arms. I’ll use an extra pillow or supports to keep the baby safely on my lap. When baby becomes a toddler, I’ll give rides on my wheelchair, rather than carrying them in my arms. We know hundreds if not thousands of disabled parents with a wide range of physical function. They have found brilliant and practical solutions to enable physical care for their children in so many beautiful ways. This is our first rodeo, but we are not entering uncharted territory by any means.
2- I will argue that this point is drastically more important than the first. Parenting is so much more than wiping a butt or scrubbing a bottle. This feels almost ridiculous to say, because it’s such an innate, obvious truth for most decent people, but parenting is the lifelong process of helping your children become good, well-adjusted, supported adults. Almost ALL of that process is based in mental and emotional nurturing—teaching them about the world and how to think critically, inspiring wonder and curiosity and kindness and humor, showing them how to love and be loved, laughing with them, challenging them, instilling them with confidence and compassion and decency. None of that requires working arms, and nothing excites me more than getting to take part in that journey with our child. Sadly, it seems Sharon’s top qualities for a father don’t include those foundations; she simply requires someone to pick up a baby off the floor and take out the trash. Is that really all she and her 60,000+ upvoters believe a parent needs to do?
I truly hope not, or else we’ve gone fully off the rails.
Before I start seeing red, I’m going to ask you all a favor. Please open your minds to the truth that disabled people can be fantastic and capable parents, and please share this so that maybe some of those 60,000+ naysayers see how wrong they are thinking. It's really breaking my heart and brain to see so many people supporting her inaccurate idea.
Hannah and I just posted a deep dive video on this exact topic where we go into much more detail. It’s sad and angry and real and obviously, funny. I’ll put the link in the comments below!
With love and very weak arms,
Shane
